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Friday, April 18, 2003

Jonah's last days- The final entries in the Daddy Log

Friday, April 4
 
On Friday, Jonah's irritability worsened.  When his new nurse Faith turned him over, his saturation dropped into the 40s.  They decided that his tube was too small and had probably developed a Acoating@ of mucus that made ventilation tough, but would not be suctioned.  The reintubated him with a larger tube and thought that it would cure everything.  Unfortunately it didn't.  He actually got worse as the day went.  His gases went up and down and we was requiring more O2 (usually around 60% but sometimes up to 100%).  He seemed to level off a bit and we went out to dinner with Mike and Karen (Mummy note:  Mike and Karen, amazing friends from Thunder Bay, offered to drive our car to Ottawa for us and then fly back home...amazing friends).  When we got back his condition really hadn't changed, he was still unstable and needed much more O2 than we would have liked.  His blood pressure was also becoming an issue.  His CO2 and pH were both outside the desirable range.
 
 
Saturday, April 5
 
Saturday was worse.  Jonah's morning gases were the worst yet with his pH at 7.08 and his CO2 in the 60s.  His bp was also low and he wasn't peeing.  The resident on was the young paediatrics fellow who knew lots but didn't seem to be that proactive.  Faith was his nurse and wasn't especially encouraging.  The doctor on loan from the Civic Hospital, Dr. Merchant, was right on.  He came over and explained to us exactly what they planned, changing Jonah to the oscillating ventilator, giving him dopamine for the blood pressure, morphine and palvulon so he wouldn't fight, etc.  After the transfer to the open bed they also gave him an arterial line so they could do blood work without pricking him.  Once he was switched over to the oscillator and some tweaking was done, he started to improve.  We went over to visit Mike and Karen and when we call his O2 requirement was 36%, his pH was 7.33, his CO2 was around 36%.  He was still paralysed because when it (palvulon) started to wear off, his saturation dropped.  But besides that he looked good.
 
Overnight his blood pressure dropped a bit so they gave him albumen and raised his dopamine.
 
 Sunday, April 6
 
On Sunday morning, Jonah's gases weren't quite so nice.  They had been gradually reducing his pressures overnight but he wasn't quite ready for it.  They put him back to where he was and his gases improved but his O2 requirement stayed around 70% and his white blood count was up to 40 suggesting that the underlying problem was still the infection.  His cultures had grown nothing so far, though and his antibiotics did not seem to be working.  They called infectious disease over for a consult.  By the time Dr. Garber (from Infectious Diseases) made it in to see him, Jonah had deteriorated even further.  His O2 was at about 95% and his oscillator settings were maxed.  His blood pressure also continued to fall.  Dr. Garber confirmed what Dr. Merchant had suspected, Jonah's antibiotics should have him well covered.  The problem may be that the source of infection is a chronic problem (i.e., continuous leaking of fluid through the perforation in the bowel).  If that is the case then antibiotics will only buy time until surgery can correct the problem. The problem was that Dr. Cho felt that Jonah was far too unstable to even attempt surgery (the problem was still unknown so without an ultrasound it would have been exploratory surgery which is even more risky).  They decided to give him an antifungal medicine to remedy the possibility that the infection was fungal.  They also planned an ultrasound for Monday in the hopes that he would be more stable.  At this point I was feeling without much hope but Jonah started fighting again.  Very slowly through the afternoon his blood gases started improving; his blood pressure came up a bit (still a tad low, but better); his O2 requirements also started to come down.  By midnight (after another visit with Mike and Karen) we were happy to see the RT lowering the oscillator amplitude and starting to wean Jonah off the oxygen.  He was still at 80% O2 but at least his ventilator had some room to adjust and his O2 was moving in the right direction.
 
Monday, April 7
 
On Monday morning we learned that Rebecca was at CHEO for the week and that she asked for Jonah.  In the morning he had continued in the right direction from a respiratory point of view but was still struggling with his blood pressure.  During rounds, Pat the Everything Nurse and Rebecca talked about giving Jonah hydrocortisone, a steroid, to help his bp and his lungs.  They decided to look into it that morning. By that afternoon, his numbers had slipped again.  His ventilator was maxed, he was on the max dosage of dopamine and dobutamine, and he was not looking good.  They also got his ultrasound back.  Nothing conclusive was seen on his abdominal view (they still couldn't tell if his bowels were deteriorating or not) but his head ultrasound was not good.  He had a grade III bleed on the left which we were told may have caused some brain damage.  Worse than that thought was the presence of "bright spots" on both sides of his brain indicating PVL,  periventricular leukomalacia, damage to the brain caused by a lack of oxygen.  Over a week or so (as Rebecca told us) these bright spots would develop into cysts or scarred tissue.  This would mean that Jonah would have a high risk of developing severe cerebral palsy.  Rebecca solemnly told us that if Jonah required any new interventions other than was he was already getting, she would recommend not doing it.  That is, if he didn't start to get better on his own, we should let him go.
 
Obviously this was hard to hear, but we still felt that he had fight left in him.  Over the afternoon and evening, he showed improvement.  His blood pressure started to creep up and his ventilation got easier.  Whether it was the steroids or the prayer, by that night he was doing a bit better.  Bald male nurse Larry was on that night and had a bit of a rough start.  The first thing that happened was that Jonah's arterial line came out (or fell apart).  Larry did his best to save it but failed.  The rest of the night he had to settle for capillary blood gases taken from Jonah's heal.  Despite that, Jonah had a decent night and while his improvement wasn't amazing, it was better than deterioration. 
 
 Tuesday, April 8
 
The next morning, Rebecca was happy with Jonah's progress.  They were planning on weening his dopamine (the dobutamine had already been stopped) and his ventilator pressures.  Pat, the Everything Nurse, put in another arterial line for us (Rebecca had been up all night and was probably a tad shaky).  For most of the day Jonah continued to hold his own.  The only problem started to show in the early evening when his bicarbonate levels were a tad low, causing some metabolic acidosis.  They gave him some albumen and then the resident gave him some saline (have we heard this before?).  The difference is that this time the res had called the on-call doctor, Joanne Harrold, for a consult and Joanne agreed.  The saline also helped a bit but not enough.  They put him on a bicarb drip which helped level out his gases until morning. Overnight, his blood pressure stayed stable at a mean of about 40 so they took him off the dopamine altogether.
 
 
 Wednesday, April 9
 
The next day went reasonably well.  Al from NFLD was his nurse for the second day in a row and was starting to grow on us.  He had also grown attached to Jonah who seems to have that effect on people.  He was stable all day with pretty good numbers.  His edema (bloatedness) was still bad though and he was still on palvulon.  We were comfortable enough with Jonah and Al to go to Walmart for stuff and take respective naps.  During the day we continued visiting with Jonah and reading to him (I had started The Hobbit a few days before).  That evening was still good and overnight was alright when we called.
 
 Thursday, April 10
 
On Thursday morning before we came in, though, he had an episode in which his O2 requirement went up to 100% for a couple of hours.  X-rays showed that his lungs were getting worse, his left lung was overextended to the point where Rebecca was concerned about a puncture.  His edema was also affecting his breathing.  When we got in at 9:30ish he was at 88% O2 but his other numbers looked okay, although his blood pressure was fluctuating between 30 and 38.  Nurse Black Cloud wasn't helping.  Within 10 minutes of meeting her she had asked 1) if we had Jonah baptized; 2) If we had lots of pictures; and 3) if we had family nearby.  She was also commenting on his high oxygen requirements, she didn't notice that his saturation wave was very shallow and that it was still 94% in spite of this.  My theory that because the sensor was on his wrist rather than his foot, it was affecting the reading (his wrist was much thicker than his foot) was confirmed when she moved the sensor to his foot and his saturation immediately jumped to 100% and the wave looked much better.  Within an hour his O2 levels were down to 60%ish and he was still saturated to 96%.
 
Then came THE TALK with Rebecca in which she affirmed our questions about Nurse Black Cloud, affirmed our parenting (reading to Jonah and spending time with him), and agreed with us that there was still lots of speculation into Jonah's condition.  That said, she said that she was getting to the point at which she was starting to question whether the interventions were helping or hurting him (in the long run).  She checked with us again to make sure that we were on the same page about not escalating our interventions in the case of a set-back.  One other interesting tidbit, she told us that she heard rumours that we weren't happy with the care we were getting.  We assured her that that wasn't the case (except for one isolated incident) and that we had nothing but good things to say about most of the caregivers.  (She tensed up a bit when I referred to my notes when she asked a question).  The rest of the day Jonah was pretty stable.  His blood pressure dipped a couple of times and he received some albumen.  Then his afternoon blood gas showed that his haemoglobin was low so they gave him another blood transfusion.  This was good because it also helped his blood pressure which stayed about 35 into the night.  The only thing disturbing was that he had received a transfusion on Tuesday and since then his haemoglobin had dropped from 130 to 100.  They had done a fair bit of blood work but it was a concern that the big drop could have been due to further bleeding in the brain.  We would have to wait until Friday for the ultrasound.  Nurse Black Cloud made it very clear what she thought ("we've taken blood but we haven't taken that much!") We slept at the hospital that night.  Jonah was stable but we just wanted to be close.
 
Friday, April 11
 
The next morning I got up to check on Jonah first because Lez was up more of the night.  Jonah was still holding his own.  He had Nurse Black Cloud again and she had already made footprints.  I got Margot (the charge nurse) to put them away for the time being.
 
Jonah's O2 crept up to 100% by the time the doctor (Joanne) came by for rounds.  She said that his PIE on his left side had worsened so much that his left lung was crowding out his right.  They could have turned him to try to work his right lung more but she said it wasn't strong enough to work by itself. They could also have turned up the pressure on the ventilator (it had been higher in the past) but he was already at high risk for pneumothorax in his left lung.  Joanne said the best we could do is leave him alone and hope he settled down.
 
Jonah's head ultrasound was that morning.  Joanne looked at it and then came by to talk to us.  She said that his gut hadn't changed, still no movement of the barium.  On the head ultrasound she said the IVH hadn't gotten worse (still Grade III on one side only).  This was good since they had suspected that he might have been bleeding based on his haemoglobin numbers.  Joanne also noted that the bright spots that marked periventricular leukomalacia were less impressive.  It was possible that they were misdiagnosed or that Jonah's brain had recovered.  Ultimately, Joanne felt that, although it raised doubts, the new ultrasound was not conclusive.  So rather then getting a definitive "yes" he will have severe brain damage or "no" everything is miraculously healed, we were again in a "wait and see" situation.  Jonah's lungs were critical but the newfound hope that Jonah's brain might not be as bad as they first though, gave us a new strength.  He stayed stable for the rest of the day (if teetering on 90% saturation with 100% O2 can be called stable).  His blood pressure was still good, he was off dopamine but was still getting steroids.  His gases weren't bad, ventilation wasn't the issue, it was just his darn oxygenation.  That night he was also stable.  He was still just able to keep up with 100% O2 giving him 91% saturation all night.
 
 
Saturday, April 12
 
The next morning was about the same.  Al was in again and commented on how his condition had deteriorated since Wednesday.  (His oxygenation and edema had gotten worse).  Mahmud looked at the x-ray which now showed that his left lung was not longer overextended.  The problem was that it was very paleBmeaning that it wasn't getting much air in it.  Muhmud did a suction/bagging technique because they felt that there may have been a mucus plug.  They got a little out but not a tremendous amount.  They then decided to turn up the pressure and amplitude on the ventilator to try to reinflate the left lung.  There was no immediate change but we hoped that eventually the lung would work better to help out his right.  He spent the rest of the day at about 92-93% saturation (still on 100% O2).  Mahmud was also taking an active approach to reduce Jonah's edema by giving him laisex and a different steroid that didn't affect kidneys or water retention.  He also reduced his overall fluids.  The problem with this approach was that it would probably lower his blood pressure so the also put him back on dopamine.  Mahmud also stopped the palvulon but said that it would be a while before he started moving again.
 
We were pleased with Mahmud's approach and hoped it would pay off.  There were no great changes that day or that night but Jonah stayed stable.  Janice was in that night ane we felt (somewhat) comfortable  enough to leave the hospital.  He was fine all night.
 
 Sunday, April 13
 
On Sunday morning Jonah's saturation dropped into the 80s (84-86%).  Mahmud was on again and, after looking at the new x-ray, said that his left lung looked a bit better but the right lung was now a bit overinflated.  They felt that the tube was down too far and was favouring that lung.  Melissa the RT, pulled it out a bit and retaped it.  Jonah's sats started to creep back up and by noon he was back in the 93-94% range.  Al commented that both sides sounded better.  Jonah's next gas was pretty good and Al told up to get out more so we went to the By-Ward Market and to Chapters.
 
When we got back Jonah had been weened down to 88% O2 and was still doing well.  He was also moving his lips more (he had partly opened an eye that morning).  He was stable for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
 
That night Janice was with him again.  She was very cautious not to ween him off the O2 too quickly and even though his sats were 95-97% she didn't turn him down.  He was stable with her all night so it was okay.  One thing that did concern her though was his billirubin (indirect).  Rather than the typical jaundice which is treated with photo-therapy, Jonah was getting higher numbers because his liver was getting tired.  They say this always happens when a baby is on TPN for a long time and wouldn't become a serious problem for several months (6-12 mos Al later told us).
 
 Monday, April 14
 
Jonah had Al again on Monday.  He had been stable all night and started off the day well.  His x-ray showed slight improvement again with the left lung still partially plugged but doing better.  He handled handling reasonably well and his vent setting and O2 were slowly reduced throughout the day.  By that night his MAP (Mean Airway Pressure) was 10, amplitude was 22, and O2 was 80%.  His gases were some of the best he had.  (He also opened both eyesB alternating sides).  Al convinced us to get out again and then we took a nap.  When we got back, Heather was on again, but she seemed a bit better and didn't try to convince us that Jonah was deathly ill this time.  We stayed until 12am and then walked home with Julie who was visiting Ryan without Bob. Jonah had a great night with good gases and reduced O2 (down to 65-70%).
 
 Tuesday, April 15
 
On Tuesday morning we were late for rounds but were later filled in that Jonah's left lung was still partially collapsed (partly due to the reduced pressures on the ventilator).  Since his numbers were still improving, though, they decided not to try anything with the ventilator but rather to try to turn him over on his tummy because it helps ventilate his lungs. 
 
During the turn we got a couple of pictures without the tube and tape on his face.  He didn't look too comfy at first but appeared to settle into his foam bed in a few minutes.  Unfortunately his numbers weren't great.  His O2 was weaned down to about 85% but it didn't get much lower.  We went home for the night leaving him with Heather (who was much less pessimistic tonight) in the hopes that his numbers would improve as he settled more.  They didn't.  His gases weren't awful but they weren't great either.
 
 
 Wednesday, April 16
 
The next morning they had turned him back on his back after a so-so night.  Dr. Walker was on again and had a new idea today.  Since turning him didn't seem to help things, today the plan was to put him back on the conventional ventilator.  The x-ray had shown that his right lung was over-extended and his left lung was uninflated (much like Saturday's first x-ray).  Dr. Walker felt that, rather then keeping Jonah on the oscillator and intermittently bagging him with the puffer to open the airways as Mahmud did, putting him on the conventional ventilator would better inflate his left lung.  The risk, of course, was that the higher pressures and more aggressive action of the conventional might cause an air-leak in the already over-extended right lung.
 
This was a bigger concern for us than for Dr. Walker I think, because we knew that his right lung was doing all the work for th past week and that without it, his left lung didn't have a chance.  We had also seen slow but steady improvement since Saturday in his oxygenation and his blood gases.  To hear Dr. Walker say that he was getting worse and that he needed some pretty significant changes was a bit confusing. 
 
After rounds, Dr. Walker said that he would discuss the matter more with the RT.  We went home, had some lunch and took a nap.  Lez got back to the hospital around 3:00pm and Jonah had already been on the conventional ventilator for an hour.  He seemed to be doing alright.  He had done a gas (that I didn't find out about until Thursday) and it had been okay.  I showed up a bit later and they were still adjusting his settings.  He seemed to still be doing okay (O2 around 75%) until we got the evening gas.  Pretty bad.  His CO2 was 69 and his pH was 7.11.  Dr. Heon (Dr. Bad News), who took over for Dr. Walker that night, put Jonah back on the oscillator.  His x-ray showed that his left lung had inflated a bit (good) but his gases just weren't good enough.  Back on the oscillator his gases stabilized but his blood pressure and urine output became an issue.  Jonah spent the night with Sue  and Dr. Bad News (who was starting to grown on us; he said that Jonah was "surprising") getting albumen, dopamine, saline, and a blood transfusion and they still couldn't get his blood pressure up.  His urine output was minimal and he was getting puffier.
 
Thursday, April 17
 
The next morning, Al had Jonah again.  Al again commented on how much worse Jonah had gotten since he left him with the edema and his O2 around 90%.
 
Sidenote from last night : right after they took Jonah off the conventional ventilator, Dr. Heon noticed that his right side seemed larger.  Fearing a pneumothorax they did another chest x-ray.  I was pacing in the hallway waiting where Supernurse Jeannie saw me and asked how I was doing.  When I explained the x-ray she took me right over to look at it.  It looked surprisingly better than we expected.
 
On the rounds that day they skipped our room and did Jonah absolutely last.  Dr. Walker showed us today's x-ray which was as bad an x-ray as we had seen.  Jonah's right lung was very large and his left lung had almost deflated again.  Dr. Walker explained that they may have taken him off the conventional ventilator too quickly the day before.  He showed how the x-ray Jeannie showed me was better because the conventional ventilator was able to push air through the tight airway into the left lung whereas the oscillator couldn't.  The problem came when they reduced his pressures, trying to protect the right lung.  That's when the gases went wonky.  His suggestion was to try him on the conventional ventilator again.
 
This time I voiced my concerns that although I saw where he was coming from, I was concerned about the aggressive nature of the conventional ventilator.  I referred to what Mahmud had done over the weekend (intermittent bagging with puffer) which seemed like a good compromise - keep the gentle oscillator for the right lung but use the puffer and bagging (more force) for the left lung.  After some discussion they decided to do that for the afternoon and re-assess at dinner time.
 
When it came time to re-assess they did a chest x-ray.  It showed that Jonah's right lung had very slightly gone down in size and that hid left lung had inflated very slightly.  After much more discussion (we were not consulted - they knew that we preferred to continue as we were) Al came in and said we were getting our way.  We asked to make sure that Dr. Walker wasn't just giving in to know-it-all parents and essentially washing his hands of the situation.  Al told us that they decided that it was the best course of action for Jonah.  Allister the RT also came into inform us and he was more reassuring.  He was happy with the decision because he was even more worried about a pneumothorax than we were and he felt the conventional ventilator would be a very risky venture.  Satisfied that we had spoken up for Jonah and helped reach a healthy compromise, we went for a snack.
 
That evening Janice and the little red-head RT, Clarissa, were told to continue with the decided upon therapy and in the morning they would do another x-ray to see how he did.  Dr. Bridget Something was on call and was scheduled to be on until Sunday.
 
The ventilation technique seemed to be working okay.  Allister had turned down the mean air pressure to 9 in hopes of reducing the strain on the right lung so that used up all of Jonah's reserve O2 (he had been about 85% but needed to be turned to 100% to compensate).  He was still saturating at 94% thought and he seemed to respond to the bagging.

His other issues were the problem.  His blood pressure had remained at about 30/18 (21) or so all day and was not improving.  He still hadn't peed since the previous night.  The resident on duty,  called Bridget and she instructed him to give saline followed by laisex.

We mentioned that they had tried saline boluses last night and in the past and that it never worked but he said that Bridget had told him to try that first and then increase the dopamine.  Janice explained that the laisex might make a difference so we gave in.  The treatment, of course, had no effect other than to make Jonah even puffier.  Mohamud called Bridget again and she told him to try albumen followed by laisex this time.  We again told him that they tried that before with no results.  To his credit Mohammed looked it up in the charts and when he saw we were right he called Bridget back.  She told him to start Jonah on dobutamine.  A smaller dose though.  We were happy with this.  But by this time Jonah's sats had dropped into the high 80s.  Clarissa, the RT, asked Janice about the next scheduled round of bagging and puffing.  Janice skeptically asked, "Do you think it's helping..."  I explained the reasoning that the doctors, Allister and Al had discussed and tried to explain the benefits might not be visible immediately in the gases.  Clarissa tried to explain why I was wrong but she wasn't convincing me.  Regardless, they had already decided to skip the next bag/puff anyway and certainly weren't going to listen to a Dad.  I later found out that when I went to get Lez a drink, Janice commented that "your husband really isn't ready to let go, is he?"  She too had already written him off.  Throughout the night we checked in (from our parent room) and each update was the sameB his ventilation and gases were okay but his blood pressure was still way down and he still wasn't peeing.  This continued even when his dopamine was increased to 20 and his dobutamine to 10.
 
 Friday, April 18
 
The next morning Bridget came in early and explained that the resident had kept her informed every couple of hours overnight.  She chose not to use more dobutamine because those drugs work by constricting the blood vessels so that the blood pressure increases and she was worried that Jonah's blood vessels were almost closed.  Since he hadn't responded to the drugs so far at all, she thought the problem was due to his lungs squishing his heart (as seen in the x-rays).  To solve this problem, they decided to put Jonah back on the conventional ventilator and hope it opened up his left lung so that his right one would give his heart some room.  The danger of course was still that his lung might not handle the pressure, but they had no choice.  Margot and Al made the change with Lisa, the RT.  We went in to see him and he seemed to be doing okay.  His sats had increased from what they were on the oscillator and his CO2 on the transcutaneous was dropping.  Al suggested we take Jonah and all his equipment into the nursing room so we could hold him in private while they monitored his tolerance of the new ventilator.  Again Al, Margot and Lisa made the move.  When they got him set up Al said he would do a blood gas and suggested we get some breakfast so that when he was done we could be uninterrupted.  Jonah seemed stable so we agreed and went to the Oasis coffee shop for a bagel.  We were sitting finishing our bagels when Margot came in and said that "he isn't doing very well" and suggested we go up.  When we got to the room Jonah's numbers were bad.  His sats were in the 50s and his heart rate was below 100.  Al explained as he unhooked Jonah's wires that he must have blown pneumothorax because he had been doing fine and then just lost it.  They quickly got him wrapped up and into Lez's arms.  Bridget came in and listened for a heartbeat but couldn't hear anything above the ventilator.  The finally extubated him.  She listened again and heart only a very faint heartbeat.  They left us with him for a few minutes while we both held him.  A while later Bridget came in again and confirmed that his heart had stopped.  He was gone.

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