Trust

The boys have been in Heaven now for over 5 years. Five years ago I was angry and disappointed with God.

Over the past few months I have found several blogs written by mothers like me, mothers with babies in Heaven. Most of these mothers have only just lost their precious babes and yet they praise God. They are an inspiration. Yup, I know they are not perfect and they struggle with being angry and disappointed with God, but they know that His shoulders are big enough to carry their grief. I also knew that, but I didn't always run to Jesus, cry to Jesus... I wallowed in self-pity and grief... Did I eventually get to the place where I could say, "blessed be the name of the Lord who gives and takes away"? I did. I would have got there sooner if I would have allowed myself to just TRUST. It's a choice. I chose to be bitter, angry and withdrawn, but God is faithful. Sooooo very faithful.

I remember a line from a song I heard when I was in Jr. High that's stuck with me "...it's easier to trust the Lord on a sunny day, but when the rain and thunder comes we think He's gone away..." Who am I to doubt the Creator of the Universe, the Sovereign God? I haven't made sense of the boys' short time here with us on earth. But, I know that God is Sovereign. Every moment is planned. God doesn't make mistakes.

Tonight...

I thank God my precious boys and each moment I had with them here on earth.

I thank God for Abby, Jude and Jordan and for the amazing people He created them to be.

I thank God that He allowed me, chose me, to be a mother to these precious little ones.

I thank God for other mothers who have lost babes and yet have chosen to trust God, praise God, and glorify God in the midst of their grief.